changing you – changing the world?
Filed Under ("truths", openings, relationships) by tinque on 04-01-2010
As you work on yourself, and shifts happen, little changes, big ones, little let gos, big releases, you may have noticed that the people around you seem to be changing as well, and sometimes seemingly commensurate with your changes.
Are they really changing? Or is it your view of them that is changing? In other words is it your perspective of them that has changed as you clear away your defenses? Or is it true change?
These are interesting questions. I would want to say that yes whenever you change, the world around you does as well. I want to say yes you have that kind of power. We all do. And I’m not going to say otherwise. But I will suggest that there is more to this, for as you release and let go of old patterns, habits that don’t serve you anymore, as your energy lifts higher, your vibration is raised, you can’t help but look at the world and the people around you with different, less negative eyes, eyes filled with more love, eyes of deeper compassion, wide eyed wonder.
I do firmly believe that as you peel away layers to reveal the more authentic you which is love, others can’t help but shift along with you. It’s inevitable. Especially the ones close to you. It’s like the butterfly effect. Or the ripple effect. As you relax and release, you feel more comfortable and open, so others can’t help but feel the same. They feel safer around you, closer to you because you feel that way within YOU. If they are as aware as you, they will consciously work to peel away their own layers, maybe taking your lead.
Regardless, you have given them the space and the place to do so. You have created this for them, and in turn they for you. It’s a lovely dance.
But at the same time, your eyes are more open. There are fewer clouds blocking your view. You are able to look at others with more love since you have released more of it within you, so any and all will “look better to you.” It’s also inevitable. I might even go so far to say that some of these others weren’t as “bad” as you thought all along. Your “stuff” was getting in the way, so you were unable to see what was really right in front of you all the time.
These questions arose for me this past weekend. I have released and let go of SO much over the years as you all know. The relationship with my beloved has deepened and grown closer, safer yet more intense, more passionate, more profound. I also feel more comfortable around most people, more at ease because I’m more aligned within me and more true to me. I feel more love flowing through me than maybe since I was an infant when all I knew was love.
I went to see my father over New Year, and I have never felt so close to him, more in the same or similar vibrational togetherness before. He seemed so delighted to see me, be with me, connect with me to the best of his ability to do so. This felt amazing.
I began to think about this. Has he always been this way, but I was unable to see, mired in my troubles as I was, justifiably so or not? Or does he feel more comfortable in my presence because I have opened to him and allowed him in? Would he have always desired to be close to me, and it was I who wouldn’t let him? Or has my growth enacted this connectedness?
When I was a child, he was emotionally unavailable. He had many issues of his own, and I felt them, took them on. I know now he was doing the best he could given what few if any tools he was given by his parents, but as a child all I knew was this man was there, yet I couldn’t feel him at all. He took care of my physical needs, mostly, but that was the extent of it. There was NO connection, no feeling of love.
Indeed over the years he has done some work on himself too, as much as he has been able, as much as he could handle. Yet the more work I did on myself, the more I opened to him, the more I feel he has opened to me in kind. The more I have released, the more I feel his release. Did my work compel his? Maybe. But maybe he has been open to me always and just waiting for me to accept him. Maybe it’s been my vision of him that was distorted, and now this has cleared.
Maybe both dynamics are at play. I would say yes to this. I propose that all of this holds truth. Our changes change others, but our perceptions of others can change just as much.
But does it really matter? I would say no. All that matters is that YOU work on YOU. You will feel infinitely better within yourself, with your choices, your life, and all the people around you. You will feel more aligned with yourself and the universe. You will feel more in love with yourself and everyone else. Whether you are seeing others with fresh eyes or you instigate their growth is irrelevant.
What is relevant is that you have created more love within you, and this can’t help but change the world AND your perception of it. And therein lies transformation.
Beautifully written tinque,I to have noticed similar events in my life. Its all about us, that we need to change and let go, to be truly free.
Hugs, Sheila
Hi Sheila,
Thank you for visiting. I have missed you. I totally agree with you.
xxoo
A very wise person once said to me…”The only way you can change someone else, is to change yourself.”
Since you have worked on yourself and grown, even without realizing it, your father changed in response. He had no choice.
In this case, when one person became more free to love, everyone became more free.
On the other hand…maybe he did change…and you changed in response?
As you said…it really doesn’t matter!
One thing I do know…Your father really loves you! Happy New Year!
Awww….Thank you Suzanne. That’s amazingly frank and sweet.
Happy New Year to you as well.
xxoo
Tinque,life if going great with my man,he now said to me that he misses making love to me because I have been ill, go figure all that unwanted desire that i thought he felt, you are a part of that new man, by telling me to just be honest and tell him how I feel.
Now Tingue heres a new dilemma, We talked earlier in our relationship about our past relationships marriage, etc. I knew from the beginning he didn’t ever want to get married…He has never been married,remember a while ago in my comments that his longest relationship ever was 6 months,but now our is 9 months tomorrow yippee I love him dearly and I know he loves me. okay now here is my question. I have had unhealthy relationships in the past and now at 49 i have the best relationship that I’ve ever wanted,honesty. loving, caring, introduction to Tantra.mmmmmmmmmm etc.U see I want to remarry even after all my abusive relationship which I have owned my part. My man is 50 What do I say or do, I have told him that I have excepted the non marriage part.We can talk open and honestly. okay, should i bring up the possibility of him ever living together, and no I’m not talking about tomorrow. If he says NO, what would be the best way to approach this.Maybe he has been independent for so long that any commitment like that would be a no. We have never had the talk about living together yet but he gets along with my 9 year old daughter and helps with everything.
Thanks Tinque
hugs Sheila
Sheila – I’m so happy things are going well with you are your man.
A man will likely never bring up the subject of living together and marriage if they are not geared that way for whatever reason.
Marriage can be brought up in passing, especially at a time when there’s an opening, eg. if you both go to a wedding or one of your friends gets married or his, or if it’s mentioned on TV, the movies. Or if you feel comfortable one day when everyone is feeling good and relaxed. You can say something like, “I love the idea of being married again. It makes me feel (safe, secure, whatever it makes you feel. It wouldn’t change our feelings for each other, but is feels like something special, a little extra something to me. What do you think?” Or something similar in your words.
Be ready for anything. And be okay with it. He may very well say no, and you can try this again at later date. He may very well change his mind the longer you are together.
You also have to decide for yourself if you can be okay if you never get married. Is this a deal breaker for you? Remember he may not change his mind about this, and you can’t nor do you want to force someone’s hand. It could and likely will backfire.
As for living together, you can use much the same speech. Keep all your speeches very short, to the point, in feeling messages, as little explanation as possible, for you will lose the person in all the verbiage. Women so love to go on and on about things, usually.
xxoo
thank you tinque for a lovely post.
oh, and i brought you something fun. it’s a section called “cats and racks” .
oh snap, i forgot to post the link…
http://cuteoverload.com/tag/cats-n-racks/
Awwww, sooooo cute. Thank you Staceyface…
xxoo
Dear Tinque, once again i read something you shared which blows me away! Exactly what you have described about “feeling no connection” with your Dad is the very reason i let go of my 6 yr relationship. No matter how much he did for me or how many gifts and trips he gave to me…i never felt loved or connected to him. i gave back the engagement ring twice! Inside myself i still love him yet i just never feel like i’m satisfied with what i feel are crumbs when i’m not getting the love i want. So it’s me?
~Lily
Well that’s a tough question to answer Lily without knowing more. It’s possible, yes, that you were not letting him in, but it’s just as possible that no matter how open and vulnerable you were with him, he was unable to take the steps to open up to you in kind. I can assure you your presence had an impact, maybe changed him.
But the truth is for many people, doing this kind of work you are doing on yourself is very scary, too much for them to handle, too hard.
But you will also find that the more you open yourself, heal yourself, you will attract these same kinds of people, men, into your life.
My ex for example was a lost cause from the beginning as much as I hate to say that, for I want to believe that no one is hopeless, but you see he couldn’t see he needed to heal. He recognized he was damaged to a certain extent, but he used this as an excuse to be a perpetual victim. He had all the prettiest words, but there was no substance behind the words, nothing.
I’m delighted you recognized your ex was not the man for you, for many women, myself included, settle, and they are miserable, sometimes for the rest of their lives, for either that’s all they know and are resigned, or they believe deep down they don’t deserve better.
It took me a short time to see the light but a long time to act on what I knew.
I wasn’t out of my house I owned with my ex and away from him two weeks when the love of my life came to call. Or I should say came back, for we had known each other ten years prior, not well, but in retrospect there was most definitely an innate attraction. We’ve been together almost eight years, and it’s still getting better and better.
Does this answer your question?
xxoo