Sex and HeartHow I transformed devastation into love and loving lust

Attack from the blue can be a strange and uncomfortable experience. Confusing. Disconcerting. Upsetting.

Has this ever happened to you? You are carefully, mindfully with as much care and concern as you can muster in the moment, and it is genuine, offering support or comfort to someone in pain, when out of seemingly nowhere, this person launches an attack. The more you attempt to explain yourself or soothe this person, the harder he/she comes at you it seems.

I had to really ponder this one, ask myself what this could possibly be. Where does it come from? Why? I can understand it if there was underlying malicious intent or maybe some negative thoughts, possibly conscious or unconscious judgments behind my words of encouragement, but when sincerity and grace are the essence? It seems not to make sense.

Yet we are all products of our pasts. For instance if nearly every time someone was offered kind words, especially when young and vulnerable, and these words were repeatedly and rudely retracted then similar feeling words could set off warning bells when someone even hints at tendering a kind word even if truly spoken.

Or if behind a seemingly caring smile and sweet words, lies lay lurking, then this person may have developed a sense of mistrust of anyone offering solace. Or if this person has been at the receiving end of broken trust from the mouth of a benevolent seeming figure, any similar situation will be cause for alarm, and the fur will bristle, the claws will be extended, the fangs bared, the walls will go up, and the ammunition raised. And this all can happen very quickly ANYTIME someone offers loving support.

Pretty much nothing you can say to this person no matter how lovingly presented will resonate with their bruised and damaged being. It may only fuel the fire more.

If it is you who is under this sort of attack, you must with all you have maintain calm, and keep your heart as open as possible even though you’re hurting now too, feeling slighted, abused even. Your every instinct might scream at you to attack right back. But please don’t. The only thing to do in this situation is to breathe deeply, back off, and leave it be.

But what if you are one of these people who tend to attack, or just feel like you want to, your every fiber feeling threatened even though it’s really love that’s being given? How can you heal this?

Knowing that you can be triggered in this way is a start and the biggest piece of this. Looking for habitual patterns within yourself is another. Desire to more realistically realign your responses is yet another piece.

Now when this situation next arises, take a really good look at the person who seems to be the cause of your feelings. Has this person consistently been a figure of love and support? If yes then you must go inside as deeply as you can, and discover what is it that triggers this response in you. Bit by bit work to relinquish its hold on you.

Always taking a look at yourself first is a good idea anyway whenever you feel triggered whether you react this dramatically or not, for the world IS our mirror. Chances are what is triggering you is your projection, you pasting your apprehensions and fears onto this person in front of you, and this poor person is completely innocent.

Whenever someone summons a strong negative response within me, I look within to see if this is something within me that I dislike. Or is it something from my past that has nothing to do with what’s at hand, but somehow it’s reminiscent, and it’s triggering this incongruous response. Or it could be very real, and it’s your instincts at play though that’s subject for another discussion.

People who lash out are inevitably in pain. As much as they may initially arouse pain and/or anger inside you, it’s very helpful to recognize their reactions have little if anything to do with you. Knowing this will help calm the desire to strike back.

This is a good time to practice opening your heart to them even more as difficult as this may be. NO ONE is a write off. NO ONE. We are all struggling. We are all on our paths, working through our lessons at our own paces. We are all flawed. And we are all beautiful in our imperfections.

Underneath all the “stuff” there really is love. In love there is compassion. I encourage you to find yours which will inspire others to do the same.

xxoo