Sex and HeartHow I transformed devastation into love and loving lust

It can be frightening rediscovering yourself, the REAL you. It can feel shaky and insecure under there for a long time. It may always a little bit. Or those feelings can resurface now and then when you are faced with something new thus out of your element or comfort zone. Or sometimes for seemingly no reason at all.

It’s not easy getting rid of the old stuff, in part because it’s become such habit and in part it’s been a part of you for so long it’s soothing in an odd sort of way. It’s familiar, and there is comfort in the familiar. Letting that stuff go not knowing what may lie beneath is a very, very scary thing. The unknown is, well….scary.

Something about which you may have pondered and which could add to the anxiety of this process is this question. What exactly is there under there lurking beneath those sometimes seemingly impenetrable layers which have been your shields of protection and wherein has been trapped the ickyness of pain and hurt? Is it something even more scary? Maybe I’m empty. Maybe there is nothing at all.

You really don’t want to think about things be worse than, so your rational/logical self might tell you that since you are releasing things, letting stuff go, habits that no longer serve you, fears which interfere, there will then be a void appearing as you discard the detritus from your wastebin; an empty space of nothingness will be uncovered.

That could be interesting as in new possibilities, but it sounds like it would feel awful too. Nothingness is after all rather empty, and that conjures numbness which feels icky all by itself. You really don’t want to dwell on another negative, but your wheels are turning now, so you might then take this further and think that maybe instead something else will have to be put there in this newly cleared spot or expanse as the case may be.

Well…there really isn’t an emptiness, nor will a hole be left behind. Nor will there be anything else needed to replace what’s being cleared away. As you work and process and release, what you are doing is peeling away these layers to reveal what has always been there, something that had been squashed down, compressed into tiny nuggets. What’s really under there are little lumps of pure gold all ready and waiting to burst open and shine. What’s really there is LOVE.

Look at it as unveiling and revealing the real and authentic you who has lain there quietly, patiently or maybe not so, buried under the walls and/or curtains of deep pain and hurt, traumas accumulated over the years, all of your own making and likely at the time justifiably so.

As the walls come down and the curtains part, you may think you feel a blankness in there, but really that’s not what it is. What you are feeling is newly liberated, opened space where there is now room for those compressed bits of love to swell up as big as they will, like dessicated little sponges now able to drink from the well of loveliness that is YOU to transform into what they always were, what you always were. They now can breath fully and fill up the spaces that your stuff used to occupy. They now have the freedom to move and dance more freely. You now have the freedom to be YOU.

All that love, YOU, your love is now uninhibitedly available, and she is eager to glow and burn brightly, radiate beautiful, peaceful love. As you release more fear, it will continue to get easier to allow the love to come forth and flow, the love that is you.

So the more your love circulates, remember to love on yourself lavishly, you the most important person there is, pleasure yourself, a must as you enter loving, passionate, healthy relationships. I don’t necessarily mean masturbate though if you feel inspired, please do. It’s amazing therapy plus it feels good. Glow golden goddesses, GLOW…

xxoo