Sex and HeartHow I transformed devastation into love and loving lust

Woman or feminine energy is LOVE energy all by itself, no extra energy output required. She is SOFT. She is WARM. She is LUSCIOUS. She is INVITING. She is RESILIENT. She is POWERFUL.

She is a beautiful place to visit with, immerse in her soothing embrace, revel in her tender strength, and maybe stay for awhile or forever. To be in this realm of feminine energy is to touch it ALL, all that is safe and pure, all the depths and breadths that is human emotional experience, all that bubbles over with feelings, all that feels wonderfully awesome. AND she is eternal.

A woman doesn’t have to DO anything at all to exude her feminine energy, be in her sensuous goddessness. She just IS this energy innately, naturally. She gives of herself and is a gift without consciously doing anything at all.

She doesn’t have to think about spreading it around. She is already just by BEING her OPEN and vulnerable self, just by being in her FEMININE. She just is. You just are. It just is. There are only two emotions, LOVE and FEAR. Release the fear, and what remains is LOVE in all its purity. Feminine energy is fearless. So feminine energy is LOVE. You are LOVE.

Wrap that beautiful truth up in something warm and cozy and put it close to your heart.

Your THOUGHTS will ATTRACT what is held within your consciousness. What you focus on in life is what you will get.

If you concentrate on what you can’t do and how there’s not enough time in which to do it, isn’t that what you get every time? If you concentrate on how inept or how “bad” you are, don’t you find others pointing that out to you even more?

If you focus on how “wrong” you are, aren’t you “wrong” almost every time? If you think about how inadequate you are, don’t you just never quite measure up in most importantly yours but also anyone else’s eyes?

And don’t you feel worse because of it? Perpetuating and reinforcing what feels awful. Don’t you feel like a gerbil running on a never ending wheel? Unable to get off until flung off to wallow in a pit of ick.

Or if you have the awareness and the strength, you can pick yourself up, wipe yourself down, and CHANGE those thoughts and feelings and thus your energy and what you attract.

For when you think about how powerful you are, don’t you feel grand? And isn’t that the reaction you get from others? When you think about how accomplished you are, don’t you achieve seeming miracles? When you think about how talented and brilliant you are, don’t you create the most wondrous things?

When you think about how much love you have inside, don’t you just see and feel love everywhere? When you feel how gorgeously goddessy you are, don’t you feel AMAZING? Don’t others look at you as if in the presence of someone enormously SPECIAL?

Now how about perpetuating and reinforcing those thoughts? Doesn’t that feel good? INCREDIBLE!!!!

But what does it mean if you believe you are always “putting out” good thoughts and manifesting good feelings, and “bad” things still happen? Is it your fault? Did you err somewhere? Maybe yes and maybe no.

Yes you likely did create whatever it is that feels really bad. But no in that there’s more to it than this. And this is where it can become a little tricky, confusing.

On the one hand this is an important concept. On the other hand I don’t want you to blame yourself for difficult situations. I don’t want you to beat yourself up. Nor do I want you to wallow.

You see, it’s not so much WHAT happens to you. It’s perspective, HOW YOU LOOK AT IT AND WHAT YOU THEN DO WITH IT.

You could look at this in one way, that the universe is giving you lessons from which to learn, and she will keep giving the same lessons until you learn or you don’t. And this is a valid viewpoint.

You could also look at it in another way, that YOU attracted this something into your life because deep down you REALLY want to LEARN whatever your lesson is. It’s not necessarily that you wanted a particular uncomfortable situation. It’s that your inner needs created something to shake you up enough or in some cases whack you over the head hard enough so you can have one of those AHA moments, so that you finally realize for yourself something needs to change. YOU NEED TO CHANGE. You WANT to change so that you can move on vibrating at a higher frequency.

The situation created usually has to be painful enough for you to wake up and do the work you need to, not only to redirect your course but also to enact changes within so that you remain on that new better feeling path.

It’s never anything you can’t handle, but so many people don’t have the strength, or they just don’t want to deal, with what’s at hand or with themselves. It hurts too much. It’s too hard.

So yes you could say that you were responsible for the “bad” things, but it’s not a negative thing. It’s a GOOD thing. And the more aware you become, the more you change using the tools and techniques you are learning, your energy, your vibration is changing right along with. You feel it whether you know it or not. Your man feels it. Everyone around you feels it.

And you leave yourself room for attracting more lessons, maybe, but certainly more of the “good” stuff.

Regardless you will feel increasingly a more whole and happier YOU.

With happy, grateful, full of loving love thoughts, I wish you all a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

This has been on my mind for awhile, an apparently unavoidable thing to which I ask WHY and about which which I find upsetting and in many ways. I don’t know that there are any answers or solutions, but I will present this to you nonetheless.

I am bothered/disturbed that what is widely perceived as beauty, seemingly more and more, is equated with youth and only youth who look a particular way. Though this hasn’t always been true in other than Western cultures, it’s become increasingly prevalent all over the world. And we are bombarded by this message everywhere, everyday, consistently and continuously. Anything but a young pretty being is just not worth as much, is not as worthy of attention, admiration, and I would go so far to say in some respects, even respect.

From television ads to billboards to celebrities from the small screen and the big to men’s and women’s magazines through almost every walk of life from the boardroom to the bedroom from out in the street to the the most glamorous of venues from the quest for a lifelong partner to a mere conquest (and maybe this is more common in the PUA community, maybe not) “young and beautiful”, youth as the ideal in beauty is espoused and embraced, and this is thrust in our faces incessantly.

Women more so than men who don’t fit within certain parameters can be and are frequently pushed aside, rejected, and worse. Women that do fit the bill, given the label “hot” are the preferred pursuit, are given privilege without necessarily having earned it, are almost every young girl’s dream, and a very many men’s wet dream. They are IDOLIZED.

With men it’s a little different. They too have their own set of standards imposed up to which which many feel compelled to live, usually in the form of money and “power” whether it be political, social, or financial, but it doesn’t seem to me as in your face each and every day and everywhere you turn. The difference is this though, and it’s HUGE; though in some cases the status that some men seek is not earned, with hard work any of this can be achieved if that is what is wanted. A man’s appearance is really not so important, nor is changing it as actively sought, not so much.

For women on the other hand, the visual is tantamount to almost everything. If an older woman IS deemed beautiful, “hot”, it is only because she looks like a young woman. Magazines of all kinds from the fashion pages to nudie layouts are filled to bursting with young, very young women. But you can only do so much to alter what was given at birth.

SO many of us torture ourselves physically and emotionally to attain a modicum of what is seen as desirable, extreme diets and exercise programs which can lead to disorders or defeat, botox, fillers, cosmetic surgery. Once you get on this treadmill, it’s often very difficult to get off if not impossible.

So what about the vast majority? What about the women who “look different”? What about the older woman? Are they not beautiful too? Why do we never see a nude photo spread of the over fifty? Or any number of other looks not accepted widely as “hot”? Is a poochy belly ugly? Is a rounded thigh unattractive? Is a droopy butt to be the butt of jokes? Are irregular features undesirable? Is a sagging breast hideous? WHY?

Why are not all forms, shapes and sizes in all their various differences through all stages of life deemed beautiful simply because you are uniquely you? What about a woman who is SO filled with love, so filled with her own delicious sensuality she exudes a something intangible that is totally magnetic, mesmerizing, no matter what she looks like? Is she not the most gorgeous of all?

Yet is this widely recognized? Has society or maybe more so the media been forcing impossible standards upon us when we are already truly gorgeous to begin with? And by that I mean we are all a lovely bundle of love, yet we learned very early that that just wasn’t good enough, so love was stuffed, and superficiality reigned.

Don’t we all “know” this, yet we are all, or most of us, still sucked in to the allure of youth and/or the quest for the fountain of youth that we may never age or gain weight or have parts that are not “perfect”? Why are not all individuals given as much praise and admiration as that of youth, a certain look of youth? Why are we not ALL deemed stunning, magnificent in our own unique ways?

Yes it’s spoken of. And if you are reading this right now you are among those seeking a more loving truth. You are learning to love and adore yourselves, your fantastic goddess selves no matter what you look like externally, for it is true, REAL BEAUTY LIES WITHIN, but has this really been widely accepted? I say NO, and in this I feel very much on the minority. The mixed messages are confusing and they hurt, A LOT.

I welcome all thoughts and feelings about this.

Anger is a cryptic emotion. Many gurus and lay people alike espouse the importance of  really getting in touch with the anger. It is said that anger is very important. Anger is vital for gaining access to the heart of the matter. Anger is the conduit for going deeper. You must feel the anger fully and learn to give it outlet, give it outlet in a safe way before the underlying stuff can be dealt with. Then you are in a position to release this anger.

I agree to the extent that IF there is anger present it is crucial that you find it, immerse yourself in it, and learn productive ways to relinquish its hold on you.

For brewing anger, repressed rage can and will find a way out some way or another eventually. Like anything that bubbles and boils uncontrollably and over which you place a lid, the steam beneath WILL sooner or later pry that cover loose, and it will let fly forcefully. At whom is anyone’s guess, maybe even yours.

You WILL explode, and this WILL FEEL BAD. The out of control feelings will burn you, and possibly, probably scald others in the process, perhaps badly, perhaps enough to leave a scar. This could could cause them to lash back at you from the pain of their own wounds inflicted BY YOU. Or they might alienate you for awhile, nursing the blister you created. Or they could just run away for good

And yes I agree anger can be a conduit for going deeper. When you are working on yourself, and there comes a time you feel anger, I would hope you would have grown to the point where you have learned to recognize your anger when it arises, found ways to feel it, work with it to access what is resting beneath. And I imagine you would have integrated tools to  mindfully let your anger go, releasing it slowly and with little if any harm to yourself and others so that you would avoid a scenario resembling the above.

But beneath anger is really hurt. Many people know this, but what most people haven’t thought about and I ask you to consider is that some people really and truly DO NOT have anger, at least not every time there is a hurt that could lead to it. When I was in the throes of hurt over K’s what had been up until my discovery his secret that wounded me so deeply, my angel savior kept telling me to FIND my anger.

She insisted that there must be rage inside me. I just wasn’t acknowledging it. I was in denial of it, AND I wouldn’t properly heal until and unless I unleash this fury. (Not at a someone of course but into a pillow maybe or in a kickboxing class) I probed and prodded, poked, and pushed, dug way down deep, and still I felt NO ANGER. I only felt pervasive sadness and hurt and FEAR.

For below hurt lies fear. That is what ALL of this is about, the anger, the hurt. IT’S ALL ABOUT FEAR. In my case my fear was about rejection and abandonment, for this had always been my experience, being shunned, being left, being all ALONE.

Anger is simply a reaction to hurt which is a response to fear. So I’m proposing that not everyone has an anger button. In my case somewhere along the way, I learned that anger was not useful FOR ME, did not serve ME. Or maybe this was something I knew innately.

FOR ME, I can bypass anger and go straight to the pain. Maybe some people can go right to the fear. It is possible. For some, for many though the anger DOES help them. It is a very useful tool which gives them A WAY IN to the DEEPER underlying issues.

Fear is one of the roots of ALL emotions. The other is love. LOVE and FEAR. That’s ALL there is. I DID heal without ever feeling anger. And in my healing I DID find love.

Tears…They are evocative usually of pain, distress, anxiety, feeling awful. You do hear of tears of joy, yet…I wonder…

Do tears tap directly into our essence, our deepest of hearts, our pureness?

While watching a movie the other night, within minutes of the opening scene, tears were streaming down my face, and this continued on for most of the film, but I was completely and utterly relaxed, not a gripping anywhere.

This was not a sad story. Well….the ending was sad, but the greater part of the film was of deep human connection which can sometimes arise in what could appear to be unlikely circumstances and between two people of seemingly complete variance.

In this case a young man of around twenty six, a literary and musical artist who was somewhat of a loner and a drifter, someone who on the surface might seem directionless, by happenstance met up abruptly with an elderly woman, someone who was elegant, regal yet supremely approachable, someone who had recently been widowed and relocated to an old person’s hotel. She had stumbled and fallen on the sidewalk outside an apartment where the young man was housesitting. He “rescued” her, brought her in, nursed her booboo knee, gave her tea, and from there a lovely friendship developed.

He was clearly just starting his life, full of life and exuberance, full of tenderness and care. She was obviously at the end of her life, full of tender memories and not much else. Yet both had an amazing sense of curiosity, and maybe it was in this they found common ground. The story was sweet, heartwarming, full of love, joy, human emotional struggle, triumph in challenge, life and death, and deeply profound connection. I was so moved, touched by the beauty of heart human beings are so capable of. It is what we are born as after all, yet we seem to forget so quickly.

In my teary rapture my curiosity was piqued. You see I lost my tears a long time ago, my laughter too. The latter I regained sooner, the tears much later, yet when they did return, they were infrequent, and ALWAYS painful. Anytime tears pricked at my eyelids, my throat would clamp shut, my chest would tighten; my belly would ball up into a hard lump. It would feel awful. And after I would feel almost ill, my eyes burning, my face puffy and achy, my entire body feeling as if it had received repeated blows which in a way it had.

These tears were nothing like that, and in this moment I realized what a lovely gift tears are. Yes they can represent hurt, but I question if that is their true intention. They can be as a cleansing, yet it’s so much more profoundly beautiful than that. Tears are a release  into the heart of who you really are, drops of nectar from the flower that is you.

Tears shed in an utterly calm and serene state feel mysteriously wonderful, as if the whole world feels open only to you, wondrous and crystal clear, peaceful, blissfully tender. You feel sad and joyous all at once. Your heart fills with so much love. You feel SO good. You feel SO beautiful. You feel whole and connected to ALL that is.

My tears reflected a touching of a chord deep inside me, a song that sings all the more audibly, more sweetly visible of late, as I’ve allowed it freedom, as my notes have been shining with a glow of golden pink tingling openness. I’m in awe….