Sex and HeartHow I transformed devastation into love and loving lust

I have talked about this before, about projection, how difficult if not impossible it is to differentiate between your feelings and energy and what you THINK is coming from another. When you sink into you looking for signs from your intuition, it’s still mostly impossible to separate it out, for you are sinking into your own feelings, and this inevitably colors everything else. What is you? What is him? How can you really know?

Most of the time when I THINK I sense something from him, I simply and cleanly assume it’s me and my stuff, and down I go, deep inside to see what I can heal or at least allay the anxiety that’s arising.

If the FEELING persists, the sense that something may be up with him after all, or down, then I will speak, but I’ve learned to ask by not asking. Anything that requires a yes or no answer will likely be answered with a no, for most men do not like to talk about problems or their feelings. So this is what I say.

“I’ve been feeling unease lately, some strange energy. It seems as though something is bothering you or on your mind.”

Most people are completely unaware that how they feel they about others is mostly determined by how they feel about themselves. If you don’t feel at ease and good within yourself, how can you possible feel at ease and good about others?

Relationships are for healing and transforming, and when two people come together to do just that, such joy ensues.

Being angry only hurts me, no one else, just me. Kind of a waste of my energy and time away from seeking out, uncovering all the beauty and love that has lived buried deeply within. This applies just as well to any bad feeling feeling or the times when your little brain is spinning out of control.

Feel your anger or whichever bad feeling feeling is present but then close your eyes, breathe, ground yourself, do whatever it takes to calm yourself enough to move beyond the icky.

Now imagine your chest softening, easing sideways, melting. Imagine it gently opening  up. Imagine all that icky stuff slowly wafting out of you, like spirals of smoke from a densely packed cigar, kind of sickening yet alluring. Imagine it floating away. Wave bye bye to it all.

Even if you still feel residual ickyness, there is space  now for putting something yummy.

Imagine a gentle summer breeze filled with all your favorite smells and all your favorite colors. Imagine anything warm and fuzzy or anything that feels good to you, soft, fluffy kittens or puppies or bunny rabbits, silky sheets, a luscious cashmere throw, sweetly trilling birdies, regal swans swimming, dainty lady bugs, elegant butterflies, playful faeries.

Feel all the textures you have conjured caressing your skin, your face, your whole body, soothing you, loving you, turning you on. Experience all that you see in all their beauty and depth, delicate coloring and sensuous shapes. Ruby red, sinuous sapphire, precious pink, esteemed emerald, gorgeous gold, grand green, opulent orange, the spectrum of the rainbow. Breathe it all in, all the delicious smells, fragrant flowers, baking bread, savory smells, sweet aromas, pungent things, whatever you love.

Taste what you feel. Smell what you see. Touch whatever moves you.

Immerse yourself in all of this exquisiteness you have created. Allow all of this richness to carry you aloft to ride on all of these lush and languid undulations of sensation.

As much as possible, especially when in a rolling or turbulent situtation, even more especially when you embark on one with bated breath, keep any and all expectations at bay. FEEL FLUID. Flow from one moment to the next. Let them wash over you, submerge you in sensation and feeling, bathe you in surprise and excitement, no matter what is revealed as the waters of experience recede.

Insecurities are difficult, often seemingly impossible. And yes insecurities interfere, get in your way, frustrate you, anger you. It’s fear. It’s always fear which we all carry to some degree or another. It can vary from day to day, minute to minute even.

Know that you will never be free of them forever. And they do serve a purpose. They act as reminders that your work is ongoing. There’s always room for more growth, more opening, more blossoming, and this is wonderful. If you can share this with another, heal with them and within them, it doesn’t get much more beautiful than that.

Men and women alike are plagued with fears, insecurities. I could argue that women more easily fall “victim” to them in some respects given the enormous pressure on us to look a certain way, young , beautiful, sexy, and we are often rejected via many venues for not fitting the bill. Ask yourself though, “Is this the kind of man you want? One who asks you to be anything other than who and what you are? Is this the kind of job you want? One that asks you to change to fit a “norm”?  Is this the kind of life you want to lead? One that is inauthentic? Do you want a life full of meaning? Your meanings? Or do you want one filled with someone else’s ideas of a you? One that’s filled with nothing that is you?”

Yes we are bombarded with it and everywhere, and this sucks. This hurts, big time. We can often and rather easily lose our sense of self and focus on what really doesn’t matter so much, obsessing over what we have lost or never had in the first place, trivialities, untruths.

Who you are though is not your face nor your body. I’m not saying to neglect yourself. But you don’t have to look or act a certain way or be anything but who you are to be gorgeous. For who you are is love. Who you are is found in your heart and soul, and these can glow more than any youthful, unblemished, “perfect” skin or form, shine forth more brilliantly than a flawless diamond, radiate more beautifully no matter what your age or physicality. PLEASE PLEASE remember this.

I struggle with this too. I may always as may you. And strangely or maybe not so, it seems to hit me the hardest every time I have an emotional or spiritual breakthrough. Nearly every time I open myself just bit more, become more vulnerable just a little, part the curtains that shield me, bare my heart and soul, my insecurities can sometimes come rushing in, flooding my consciousness, yet sometimes they merely ripple through, barely noticed, hardly acknowledged.

There’s no telling what’s going to happen when, and you don’t need to know. Try not to fret when your insecurities come to say hello. Try not to resist. Sink into them as deeply as you can. Be with them. Flow with them. Ride their waves. They will take you ultimately where you wish to go.

Whenever you are about to embark on a new endeavor, or you are being faced with an event or situation about which trepidation, hesitancy, anxiety or even fear creeps in (which can also be mixed with excitement) wherever you are physically, emotionally, spiritually in that moment, try this:

Be prepared for anything, yet keep yourself as open as possible.

BE CURIOUS. BE VERY, VERY CURIOUS.

Whatever unfolds, even if it’s nothing at all, allow awe, allow wide-eyed wonder.