It’s a commonly held belief that when you show yourself as being vulnerable, you are demonstrating a weakness or a dependency.
A client shared with me that she understands a sharing of loneliness, or if her man treats her badly, hurts her, or ignores her, she needs to express her pain, preferably in the moment.
Or when he does something that makes her feel good, here too she wants to let him know that he done good. For this makes all involved feel loved and cared for, appreciated.
Or if natural beauty moves her, she can speak of her joy and delight in the spectacle of a gorgeous sunset or the feel of sand in her toes as she walks along the beach, the waves gently lapping at her toes or the pleasure which an adorable puppy or kitten brings to her or anything which moves her.
But the feelings of being scared or insecure or unsure or needy, wouldn’t that be showing weakness, and wouldn’t this be bad?
Isn’t this leaving you open for possible attack? Or rejection? Won’t others take advantage? Won’t that make you appear less than in others eyes?
All I have to say to this is a resounding NO!! Let me repeat. NO!!! On every level.
Being vulnerable in whatever form it takes is NEVER a sign of weakness. It’s actually quite the opposite. It’s a HUGE demonstration of strength. It takes a very brave person indeed to show their tender underbelly. It takes a fearless and open heart.
It takes great trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in the person to whom you’re showing your TRUE self, your real self, cracks and all. And this person who is you sometimes feels frightened, insecure, and hesitant, in want of a big hug. To reveal this unabashedly is YOU being AUTHENTIC YOU.
It may seem paradoxical, for your instinct is likely the feeling that you will be railroaded, used, abused, or maybe even abandoned if you show your vulnerabilities.
But here is where boundaries come in. It’s totally up to you whether you allow someone to exploit you or mistreat you in any way. It’s your choice if you allow the hurt to overtake you.And this is where you use your feeling messages with which to express your pain, your outrage, your refusal to abide bad feeling behavior, your whatever it is if someone crosses your boundaries.
A not so good man may feel threatened by this, thus the urge to manipulate and control and the urge to use his perceived advantage over you and against you.
Being vulnerable IS NOT an invitation to walk all over you.
A good man will not abuse the trust you put in him. Most of the time. He is human after all, and humans err. So if he crosses a line, you tell him that whatever it is felt bad.
And this good man will feel badly for having caused you injury, for having made you feel awful. And this good man will apologize, hug you, kiss you, make it up to you.
A good man will love you and your vulnerability. This authentic you, “weaknesses” and all will make him feel safe and warm, protected and protective. And he will be yours for always.