BUT they don’t treat you all that well? Maybe they even use you, abuse you? Disrespect you? At best hand you crumbs as if it’s the most delicious cake?

Do the “good men” you hear about, see out and about, maybe date once or twice seem dull, lackluster, boring in comparison? Are they physically so so if not downright unappealing? They may be nice enough, but are they are just not doing it for you?

So what do you do about this? Is it all hopeless? Are you destined to be single or unhappy in love?

Well it certainly isn’t hopeless, and I don’t believe in destiny. I believe we can change ANYTHING we wish to, even your physical body, but this is another topic altogether.

There ARE plenty of great men out there, BUT you need to be able to recognize them, SEE them, really see them. How you might ask?

It may not be an easy or quick fix, but it CAN BE once you gain an awareness of what you do and think when it comes to dating. You CAN CHANGE this in you.

So ~ how about rethinking ALL of this? How about trying something radically new? How about opening your mind and heart to ALL men no matter how they seem to you initially?

I’m not suggesting that you would want to force yourself to date someone who makes you cringe, who when he smiles at you or, yikes, reaches for your hand makes you want to throw up or get away as fast as you can.

But I am asking you to at least give him a chance. So what if looks a bit unkempt or is a bit soft around the middle. So what if he seems shy or ill at ease. So what if he talks too much.

If he’s blatantly leering at you, okay – run the other way. But most men are not like this.

So what if he doesn’t cause your hear to pitter pat from the get go. (beware – be aware if it does. you could be setting yourself up for more of the same.)

Of course I believe in chemistry and falling in love the moment you lay eyes on each other, BUT these cases are rare. And many of these cases end up not lasting in the long term.

Getting to know another person takes time. Creating REAL, long lasting chemistry takes time. Developing profound intimacy takes time. Falling in love and being in love at the same time does not usually happen within seconds or even months of being with someone.

And there may or may not be an immediate attraction. This too can grow and blossom with time. And when it does – it feels SO lovely, soft, comforting, easy like a breath of spring air, yet flaming with crimson intensity, waves of heat flushing your every pore with yummyness.

So now I want to ask you to take a look deeply within yourself. As a child, were you poorly treated? Were you mostly ignored, neglected, rejected, maybe even abandoned? Or at least not supported or encouraged in your endeavors? Was your childhood filled with a basket of crumbs?

Now think about this. Have you come to equate this kind of neglectful treatment with love? Don’t say no right away.

Or was your family life filled with raised voices, conflict, fireworks? Maybe there was verbal, physical and/or sexual abuse?  Maybe all three?

So love became equated with drama and abuse?

Depending on your herstory, if this is what you’ve known, then crumbs WILL look and feel like love to you. As will the highly charged interactions.

And you will be attracted to the same in a man even if at first they seem SO different. When his true colors reveal themselves, you will see how much like your past and all the others he really is. It’s as if you can smell these men out. The attraction is so keen.

And it works the other way. They too will be attracted to your habit and patterns, the ways of love you’ve known. For this is where they came from. This is their history.

So why is this? Why is this still present, still with you? You know better, don’t you? All you want is to love and be loved.

It’s because of where you came from and to what you became accustomed. It’s because love became distorted so early on, and this is not such an easy pattern to break. For the kinds of men who toss you scraps or present you with bad boy behavior will feel like an odd sort of comfort because it feels familiar. These kinds of men feel like the only kind of love you have ever really known. Even though it feels bad if not downright horrible, it still feels familiar, and there is great comfort in familiarity.

But this isn’t really love. This isn’t really what you want. Is it? Aren’t you tired of the initial intensity which only ends up feeling SO bad?

Well I’m here to tell you that you CAN rewire your attraction radar. Your “the one” CAN have all you REALLY want in a forever love.

And you DON’T have to settle for tedium in order to have nice and dependable. And it’s not at all that you have to learn to love someone you find boring or unattractive and certainly not someone you feel repulsed by.

It’s all about learning how to feel curious and learning to feel open to any and all possibility. It’s about feeling surprise and awe in most every moment and most every encounter with most anyone.

Even if at first you feel nonplussed or even turned off, if you keep your mind and your heart wide open, you may very well find yourself feeling delight and wonder at what you uncover or discover. This date or this chance encounter man may not be that one special man, but HE COULD BE. At the very least he may be someone interesting, someone to learn from, someone to practice your new found curiosity skills with.

For example when I first went out with K, he didn’t look anything like the kind of man I usually went for aside from his height. He seemed to me a bit funny looking with a large what I thought of as a tomato nose. He seemed nice enough, but there was no surge of anything.

After our first date, I still wasn’t sure. All he did was talk about himself, mostly anyway. I thought that he was either a narcissist, or he was nervous.

Even though I was on some sort of healing path, this was before I had any kind of direction, and I certainly had few if any tools. Yet from somewhere I received the inspiration to remain curious about this man. I know I can feel uncomfortable with new people, shy. Maybe I too don’t make the best first impressions.

So I made a conscious decision to give him a chance, to give myself the chance to explore, to be open, to just see what might unfold.

He turned out to be an amazing, loving, affectionate, generous, fun, funny, smart man. And I now think his nose is adorable as is the rest of him. We have an amazing relationship which continues to deepen, get better, become closer and more connected in all ways, mentally, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually. We just had our ten year anniversary in April.

Look what I would have missed out on had I gone with my initial reaction, had I not kept myself open to whatever might be revealed.

And yes he’s changed over the years but only for the better, only as I healed and grew. The “better” I became, the “better” he became. You have heard me say that a man heals best through a woman’s heart, and I am living proof of this.

Curiosity can be your best friend. You don’t owe anyone anything by responding to someone on any dating site or any man you might be fixed up with. It doesn’t mean anything other than you feel curious. You want to know who this person is even if no initial attraction is there.

Initial attraction means nothing anyway. It’s simply a response to physical appearance which says nothing about what’s in this person’s heart and mind.

Don’t you hate it when a man does this to you? Dismisses you because you don’t look like whatever is he thinks he wants. Or the opposite, he wants you because one or more of your body parts fit into his preconceived concepts. Don’t you feel annoyed if not angry at being just a body to him?

So I didn’t settle. I didn’t learn to love a boring man, for he never was. I learned to open my eyes and my heart.

Your the one CAN have it all, IF you let go as did I.

xxoo

There are no guaranteed ways to do so either.

BUT there are some very doable things you can do starting right now to attract or re-attract your man or get him back, IF he’s the right man for you, IF he’s able.

1. One of the most important pieces in getting your man (back) begins within YOU, uncovering, discovering  learning to deeply love YOU. This not only makes YOU feel amazing, it also reveals naturally and organically the REAL you, you exuding an openhearted love, a tender vulnerability as well as a wonderful confidence which is so appealing and enormously sexy to any man, attracting him like almost nothing else. The good men I mean, the kind of man you want.

2. Another significant piece involves learning how to relax your body on a level you may have never thought about, finding the places inside where you hold – daily or chronic tension, old hurts and traumas (the physical and the emotional ones).

A relaxed, at ease body allows for a calm mind, facilitating the revelation of AUTHENTIC YOU and allowing for a deeper opening in your heart. Through this you also gain a clarity which allows you to see what is, what REALLY is.

For example you will be able to more readily discern a toxic man, someone who at least for YOU would only give you more pain than you would want in you life.

Or instead a good man who simply has fears just as you do and only needs to feel some sense of safety with you to open to you and give you what you desire in a relationship and maybe much more.

You will also be able to better determine if you are maybe seeing a man through the filters of your pain and trauma. In other words are you seeing him in his true light, or are you projecting your stuff onto him whether it be in the moment or something that’s been with you a long time, an old trigger.

In any situation I always suggest bringing things back to you first, for most of the time it IS you. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t bother you so much. You would be able to look at a potentially uncomfortable feeling situation and tell yourself that this person who is acting out or being grumpy or weird is likely having a “bad” day or not feeling well, and you would then leave him be and go off and take care of you.

If it’s your man, he will come around and find you when he’s ready. The more space you give him for this, the quicker his mood will defuse, and he will come out from his cave that much more quickly.

3. Another part to this is as you heal, peeling away the layers which cover over the real you, I ask would ask you to keep firmly in your heart that the perfect FOR YOU man is already there. I would ask you to act AS IF…

See this; hear this; taste this; touch it; FEEL it; BELIEVE it. With ALL of your senses, AS IF…

To live AS IF creates an attracting yet soothing and relaxed kind of energy within you which will help manifest your man far more readily whether he’s right there in front of you or has yet to appear and sooner more likely than later.

BUT, and this is really IMPORTANT, I don’t want you to get wrapped up in details, for here is where there is potential danger for getting caught up in expectations.

4. And here is where another crucial piece comes in. I don’t want you to harbor expectations, not when you’re looking for a man and not when you are with him. Thinking a man falls short because of specifics you have imagined you want may very well BLIND YOU to the possibility that your brand of knight in shining armor may already be in your presence.

Or you likely won’t recognize him as a potential one when he does show up.

If you are in a relationship, carrying this kind of expectant energy will feel awful for all involved. You will feel unsatisfied. He will feel pressure. No one feels good let alone blissfully head over heels and basking in the warmth and glow of true and abiding LOVE, your own and his.

Releasing your expectations, changing your thoughts about a man, shifting your energy around him, expands YOU, opens YOU to possibility. And this can be very exciting.

If he’s the man FOR YOU, this may very well be the relief and the release he needs to feel comfortable with you and to confirm what he may already know deep inside yet has hesitated because of the discord or disconnect, the uneasiness, the pressure. You really ARE his one and only woman.

If you have reservations around your man, try paying close attention to what he actually does to express his attraction, affection, or love for you. Try being as much in each and every moment as possible and enjoying. Try feeling good about what he’s bringing you.

For example let’s say you were expecting a dozen roses for Valentine’s, but he showed up with a lily plucked from your garden, and he also bore a huge smile on his face, gave you an extra special hug along with tender, caring love making accompanied by a lovely “I love you”.

Can you open your heart to this gift, HIS GIFT? Love it? Love him? Think that what he did for you was perfect?

When he does show love in ways YOU prefer, really, really melt and sink even more deeply into your heart and your warm, good feeling feelings. This WILL encourage him to give in YOUR ways too.

Lifting your spirits, opening your eyes in awe and wonder, blossoming your heart really big, can and will create huge transformations not only in YOU but also in YOUR MAN.

As you are working to heal your wounds around love by giving yourself the chance to expand and feel more and in different ways, your man also gets to heal through your heart within the luscious space you’ve created and as a result, he will likely begin to morph into more of what you’ve been wanting all along. But since you’ve released expectations, it will come as a joyous surprise.

When you start feeling really good within yourself and around WHAT IS, creating a warm and inviting place for your man to to be himself with you and feel completely accepted by you just as he is, you may very well discover that what he has to give you is much more than you maybe realized, full of all kinds of wonderfulness you hadn’t noticed before. You may very well find that HE IS your “THE ONE”, one maybe beyond your wildest dreams.

These seemingly small adjustments are HUGE, relationship restoring, life changing. If there is any hesitation in a man, even though he knows deep down you are his one and only woman, this will dispel it.

The more you are able to take care of YOU, taking your focus off of him, loving yourself more and more, the more your man will be inspired to be YOUR man, if he truly is that special man FOR YOU. He will feel your calm, your peace, your open, receiving heart. He will want to join you for the ride and heal through your glorious heart.

When you find ease within your body, when you find you within your heart, when you are able believe with all you have that the man of your dreams is right there, when you can love and appreciate each and every moment with awe and wonder, even if your man isn’t physically there for you yet, HE WILL SHOW UP, for who could resist this newly emerged irresistible YOU.

xxoo

BUT this IS NOT a negative.

This doesn’t mean you’ve regressed or taken step backwards. I think most of you know that I don’t believe you can take steps backwards once you’ve taken the first strokes on your journey out into the vast ocean of healing.

It DOES NOT mean you haven’t been making some tremendous healing strides.

Now you may take a step or two sideways, maybe many; you may wander a little off course; you may stumble; you may trip and fall, abruptly sometimes, maybe even skinning your knees, drawing blood. But then you get back up, brush yourself off, tend to your wounds, and carry on along your path.

So here is the letter.

“I had a trigger this morning and I acted out of fear…asking him the all too icky “innocent” questions and anyway…it didn’t go well. –

I feel all sorts of yicky and he left for work…once again…feeling like I don’t trust him.

So…my question is how to smooth it over without making it worse…or if that is even possible.  I said “I am sorry” and gave him a hug before he left…he just said “have a good Friday”, hugged me back and left…as he was walking out, I burst into tears and shut the bathroom door…which I believe he heard.

I don’t know what to do…I want to text him and tell him I am sorry.   But if I am honest, I just want him to not be mad at me…that is why I am fretting over what to do…sitting with this feels crappy and I feel worried that he is just going to be “done” with me.
I don’t know what to do…so any advice is greatly appreciated.”

Haven’t you found yourself in just such a situation? The scenery may be different, but how this unfolded is SO familiar, isn’t it?

So what do you do when an old trigger seemingly swims back onto your beach? When you get to experience it not only within yourself, you also get to play it out with your man, he being one of the most common sources.

Please remember that though he may be the source, it’s NOT about him. Please bring it all back to you, for this IS you and your stuff. And whatever your stuff is lies deeply inside you, and it’s far older and more profound than whatever the trigger is.

Usually your most awful feeling triggers will come up around someone who is very close to you, such as your man. He matters. He is very important to you. You love him. You want him. You want the relationship.

So in order to create a deeper, more intimate, more profoundly connected relationship with him, some very deep healing needs to take place, in both of you. For you to take the steps to heal, the trigger has to be very painful, bad feeling enough to grab your attention. If it wasn’t, you likely wouldn’t do anything about it. You might ignore it or push it aside.

And you would then lose the opportunity for even more incredible healing.

(His healing you can read about HERE.)

So you have come to understand this, and you have worked very hard with your trigger; you have gained perspective and clarity. You have also learned how to soothe yourself, love yourself deeply, one of the most crucial aspects of healing, and now “all is well”. Or so you think.

What does it mean then when the old trigger gets triggered?

Something to keep close is that this is a reminder that there’s more healing to do. There’s always more healing. So this is your higher self telling you that though you’ve done some great work, and it’s all been beautifully integrated, it’s time to heal some more. Another layer has peeled away and is awaiting your love and attention.

So having been triggered is a GREAT thing. You’re ready for more!!! It doesn’t mean you’re back to the same old same old. Again it’s not about the trigger. The trigger is your impetus, uniquely yours, the one thing which forces you to dig down more deeply. And you don’t have to know what it is necessarily.

Healing is a lifelong journey, and the trigger is the sign that you’re well on your way. This is SO WONDERFUL.

This woman’s trigger happens to be the same as mine. But please remember that though YOUR trigger may not look anything like ours, the thoughts you have will be, and the FEELINGS WILL FEEL THE SAME.

First of all triggers happen to us all. What I told “E” here is that I too can still have “those” thoughts go through my head now and then. Just like you too will have your trigger thoughts, your gremlin voices talking to you.

In my case, I can still have the urge to check up on K once in awhile, but even if the urge is strong, I’ve done SO much healing around this that even at its present most powerful, it doesn’t even closely resemble how it once was. AND I can easily and readily get a handle on myself and the truth and let it go.

I think about how badly I would feel whether I find something or not. If I did, I would feel horrible, all my old insecurities and fears would flood me. NEEDLESSLY!!! For these fears and insecurities come from the stories I MADE UP. And I can tell you they do not resemble what is. Just as your stories will hardly if ever look like reality. We women can get SO creative with our gremlin tales.

If I don’t find anything, I would still feel awful, for the shame would feel overwhelming.

Either scenario will interfere with my energy, put up some sort of barrier between us, and he will feel this, thus coloring how we feel to each other and how we interact. Not a good feeling thought is it?

Then I go to trust. I know with all I have how much K loves and adores me, is committed and loyal to me so that no matter what he does or doesn’t do, it IS NOT a reflection on this.

Please try to trust until and unless he proves otherwise. Yes you risk hurt, but you will never experience the kind of deeply committed, intimate love you desire unless you allow this, take the chance to trust.

Then I want you to draw on all the SO many memories you have stored in your memory treasure chest, those times when you felt the most connected, so loved and cared for.

This is also a wonderful exercise to draw on if your man is seeming withdrawn, cranky, out of sorts. It helps you maintain, keeping you strong in the truth.

Just because he’s feeling off or weird to you, doesn’t mean he’s about to withdraw his love from you, reject, or abandon you. He’s allowed his moods too, isn’t he? So step into the memories as if they are right now. For they really are right now.

Another piece here which stood out for me is that “E” said he left the house feeling she doesn’t trust. Even though this is a topic for another post, I want to address it because it’s important and something we women do a lot.

We will tend to project OUR emotions or the emotions we would have if the tables were turned onto our men.

But men don’t tend to function like this.  “E”actually has NO idea if he thinks she doesn’t trust him. She put on him what she would have felt in a similar scenario.

And you know what, chances are great that the incident is already all over for him. Even if he was still feeling a bit irked with her, it would have greatly diminished, AND it certainly wouldn’t make him feel like he’s “done” with her.

It would be the same with your man. If you had an uncomfortable feeling exchange of words or even an all out fight, most men would let it go, even forget about it. He knows you can have moods and sometimes say things, feel things which are not really what you mean or how you feel. And he lets it go.

He loves YOU. Not for being happy and even tempered all the time. He loves you for being AUTHENTIC AND REAL, moodiness, idiosyncrasies, “faults”, and all.

And if you’re still feeling icky and off balance later in the day, and it’s bothering you, please don’t try to explain yourself. Instead say something like this to him, “Honey, I’m sorry, but I’m still feeling weird (or something like this) over what happened this morning. I feel disconnected from you. And I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I don’t want to feel far away from you. It feels a bit scary. Can you help me with this?”

If he asks what he can do, you could ask for a hug, eg. “A hug would feel SO good.” You can also ask, “Are we okay?”

A good man, your man, will tell you everything is fine and will open his arms willingly and lovingly to you.

You may feel all is well right away, or it may take a bit of time to get yourself back to feeling better. And this is okay. It’s part of what makes you mysteriously wonderful, uniquely goddessy YOU.

xxoo

I feel troubled by the word “bad”.

I don’t think it’s productive or useful or helpful to look at anything as being “bad”. Having this mindset at best keeps you stuck in a negative space around the event and at worst it could ultimately cause you harm if it sits inside you and festers, maybe/likely manifesting in any number of other ways.

I prefer to look at things differently, in a way which can be moved through you, in a way which may seem like just semantics, but the distinction is important. Instead of labeling something as being “bad”, how about shifting this to something which created a bad FEELING within you. Instead of saying this was a bad thing, how about saying the news FELT bad.

(You can and I also encourage you to broaden your word repertoire with expressions such as sad, mad awful, painful feeling or happy, glad, excited, thrilled, ecstatic feeling, and so on. This not only helps you become even MORE AWARE of how you FEEL, the nuances for example, it also opens space for YOU come to know and love YOU even more deeply.)

First of all labeling something as bad or good is placing judgment. I don’t want to go into this subject here too much, for this a topic for another discussion, so suffice it to say that judgments do not help you grow. They do not help you expand. They do not help you open your heart.

What may be more important here though is that this seemingly little change in verbiage will make a huge difference in how your body experiences things and what you do with it going forward.

This may seem like a subtle thing, yet it’s not.

The way I like to view life is to think that nothing is good or bad, BUT it can FEEL this way. And this is the key point here. How you are feeling in the face of an event or happening is what matters. For then you have something to work with and through and thus heal from.

For example what happened with me the other night, I received a beautiful yet heart wrenchingly painful letter from one of my dearest friends in the world, someone I haven’t seen for several years since she lives across oceans and for some reason haven’t talked to recently which could possibly make this seem more awful. Her very dear, sweet husband with whom she has one of those special, intimate, amazing relationships had passed the day before. He died at home, candles lit all around him, soft music playing, she at his bedside.

I felt fear, pain, and sadness at this news. But it WAS NOT bad news though it was news that made me FEEL very bad in many ways.

One thing you can do is intellectualize this and look at any “bad” event as possibly not being bad at all. Almost anything can be seen as a good thing depending on who is looking and what is their perspective. In my friend’s case, if her husband had been in a great deal of pain, maybe death would have been welcome. For maybe he had been relieved of this great challenge of illness.

Or if you believe in an after life or a spirit world, you could look at this as he’s free of the burden of his body, and he can now continue his journey unencumbered. Maybe he has loved ones “on the other side”. Maybe he has some important work to do. Maybe he’s moving on to greater purpose. Maybe true peace and joy is only found on another plane.

I don’t really encourage you to do this much, but it may be useful in the beginning of this consciousness shifting.

I want you instead to voice these happenings as feelings whether they be good feeling or not so good feeling. Doing this gets you right into your body. Not only does this help you recognize what it is you really do feel, it helps you feel it fully. The feelings can then move through you unimpeded, so they don’t sit inside and fester causing you physical and emotional ailments later on.

No event is inherently bad or good. These are labels which have been put to it.

And when you label something as good or bad, it keeps it in your head, and keeping it in your head does not allow for healing let alone processing. Since it has stayed in your consciousness without an outlet, it can thus be stored or trapped in your mind and tissues as a negative.

But when you can look at things as making you FEEL one way or another instead of BEING one thing or another, you will not tend to hold on to it. You will be able to allow it to flow through you and heal more readily, especially if it’s a bad feeling event. You will be able to let it go more easily, and you will look back on it not as a bad thing, but as something that made you feel bad for awhile, and then it passed.

But then my client came back with these wonderful questions – “Why won’t you hold onto something that made you feel one way or another as opposed to saying it is one way or another? Wouldn’t it be a good thing to be able to hold onto the events? What about things that make you feel good? Wouldn’t you want to have a stronger attachment to those things? Doesn’t it make more sense to say that negative things FEEL negative and the positive things ARE positive?”

Here is is where some more of the subtlety comes in. When something is labeled as bad, it will stay with you in your thoughts, eg. obsessing, spinning, and will likely then remain trapped within your body in a negative way.

When you can express it instead as a feeling, your psyche and your body know that feelings are fleeting. Feelings come and go, hundreds of them a day, so if something felt bad, the bad feeling will pass quickly, more or less.

When an event has felt good, absolutely you want to REMEMBER the good feeling, but you don’t really want to hold onto it. It has to flow through you, or it too will remain stuck within which can potentially be almost as unproductive as holding on to a bad feeling one. Imagine someone who is trapped in her past, longing for halcyon days gone by and thus unavailable for the wonders in the now.

You can summon the feelings though, and when you do feel bad, it gives you something better feeling to draw upon.

So an event itself is not bad or good; it FELT bad or good. And this shift in consciousness keeps you in your body feeling instead of in your head analyzing. The more in your body you can feel with ease and free flow, the bigger your heart and spirit can expand and make room for even more good feeling feelings. The more good feeling feelings, the more love can flow in and through you. And a full of feeling, big hearted woman is enormously sexy and attractive to men and women alike.

And better still, this will feel really, really good.

xxoo

How about the sex? Does hearing about his past exploits turn you on or make you cringe and shrivel up with oh SO not good enough, insecure feelings?

Of course the answer to this question really depends on the individual alone as well as the couple together. There are indeed some couples who really want to know almost every detail, sordid and otherwise. It maybe makes them feel like they can know their partner better. Maybe it makes them feel closer. They do very well sharing the past. BUT I think these people are very much in the minority.

Personally this notion feels disturbing. I know that I would feel icky, possibly upset hearing about K’s past. And I think most women and likely many men would feel the same. Most women would feel uncomfortable hearing about other women in her man’s life, ESPECIALLY if it’s good stuff, eg. her looks, her body, her personality, her idiosyncrasies, or worse, her love making style.

But even when it’s “bad” stuff, you might still feel awful. Just imagining your man with someone else, even if it was long before you had even met him could send you spiraling into not good feeling feelings. You may also find yourself wondering if he’s thinking similar bad thoughts about you too.

Knowing there were things he didn’t like about any other woman WILL NOT likely make you feel better or feel better about YOU.

Hearing about other women in whatever capacity for most of us women is a trigger in a not good feeling way.

Now I realize that this is about me, my triggers, that this is my stuff, and that I have more healing to do. There’s always more healing to do. But this is likely you too.

But if this is NOT you, if you truly are able to share in this way, and it works well for you, I won’t tell you what I will be telling the others. Please do continue with whatever feels right to you and for you. BUT if you ever feel any twinge of an ick feeling, then PLEASE cease and desist. The bad feeling feeling will likely escalate over time and may very well cause rifts in your relationship, maybe even erode it away.

As a general recommendation though, I think it’s best to keep the old stuff where it came from, in the past. But sometimes things can come up, and sometimes in context it’s okay if not preferable as long as the other person is okay with it.

If you have for example a habit or a response mechanism which arose from a negative experience as a direct result of a past relationship, then it would probably be appropriate to share this. Without going into any great detail though.

For example, I used to easily and quickly cower any time a voice was raised, especially if it was K and even when it wasn’t directed at me. I would find myself backing against a wall or into a corner. The first time this happened, he expressed puzzlement over my reaction, so I let K know what was going on with me, that my ex had been volatile and for no reason usually. He would scream and yell, throw tantrums and nearly every day which brought this out in me.

I can still have this tendency even now, for the original trauma response is likely older. For the most part though, this has passed out of my repertoire of default reactions. And this came about the more I felt safe being away from the ex and now with K who is SO not like this. And K having been apprised, was sensitive to this and took care to take care of me if anything like this came up.

As far as I know K has no problem hearing about my past if this is something I, and I stress the I, want to talk about. If he has felt any discomfort, he has been able to put it aside, for my need to talk has been greater.

A big by the way though, if a man is pressing you for information about your past relationships, please BEWARE. This is a red flag.

Normally I don’t share my past unless as in the case above or something else which is relevant to the now of our relationship, something which may be affecting who and how I am with him. But when I do, K has the maturity and the inner growth to be able to keep what happened where it belongs, in the past.

Not many people can do this. And I know I can’t very easily. I have over the years “come across” things I wish in many if not all ways I hadn’t. It took me some time to let go of the awful feelings which were aroused in me around what I learned. Whenever I felt insecure or scared, I would often think about it making me feel worse, reinforcing the self-loathing I was already inflicting on myself.

And if you’re anything like I was and can sometimes be now which likely you are, you can easily to conjure up what it must have been like, felt like, further sinking you into an abyss of horribleness. Know though that what you’re imagining is likely far from what really was.

And then you feel a distance growing between you and your man (all of your own making of course) which you can look at in two ways. The distance keeps you “safe” from investing more deeply in this relationship. You can’t be hurt if you keep him at arm’s length after all. (So not true though, for not allowing love or a deepening intimacy in your love is painful all by itself.) Or the distance will prove how unlovable you really are, perpetuating the lie you’ve been telling yourself to some degree or another most of your life.

All of this is your fears arising, things which you have not fully healed.

So for most women, you would do much better NOT hearing about those other women. It will feel too real to you even though it was a long time ago.

And PLEASE DON’T let your curiosity get the best you. There will be times you think you will be fine. And there may be times when the having to know will win out. PLEASE DO NOT go there. Don’t peek or snoop, and don’t ask loaded questions. For you really don’t know how you’re going to feel until this box has been opened. You will feel sorry. This I can promise you.

Once you know, you can’t easily put those thoughts and all the accompanying feelings back into that box. All of this may taint your relationship, hopefully not for always, but it’s possible. It will affect how you feel about your man, how you are with him, how you react to him. Those thoughts may creep in at the most inopportune time, like when you’re making love. And this could easily interfere with your connection to your man, might sever it altogether or at the very least thin it out. And it will likely prevent or at the very least inhibit your ability to feel the good feeling sensations with him from the warm and fuzzy, cuddly ones to the bliss of orgasm.

So please don’t put yourself in this position. If you have a good man, the past is truly passed and has absolutely no bearing on the now and how he feels about you. He DOES not compare, honest.

xxoo

Being an ultra-sensitive bleeds out into more than just your relationships which includes of course the one with your man and also those with others. Though these relationships and your ultra-sensitive responses to them will tend to feel more weighty, the other ways it plays out can also be significant.

For example too much stimulation can feel overwhelming to the point of you almost shutting down, or for some having an out and out panic attack.

Think of crowds or noisy venues, too much light or darkness, seemingly too much to do, and so on. Any or all of these can feel frightening or simply too much, and you just want to get away from it all.

And all of this can and does directly affect you and how you relate to others, especially the relationship with your man. This is something to keep in mind when you are feeling ultra-sensitive since your interactions or relationships with people is likely where your ultra-sensitivity shows up the most.

You as an ultra-sensitive can be very easily shaken by the smallest of things. You will likely easily and readily find yourself taking on others stuff, feeling their stress, angst, pain. You may even find yourself feeling responsible for things that really have nothing to do with you, things which are not even remotely close by you.

For example you hear angry words across the room, and your first thought is, “Oh no, what did I do now.”

Or you hear what you think sounds like snickering, and you think they must be laughing at you, making fun of you about something. About what, you don’t know, but it must be about you.

Or your friend or your man is in a crabby mood or having stress, and he feels different to you, behaving out of character, and you feel that pang inside, that sinking feeling, that tugging of fear gripping at your heart. That sense of impending doom or when you are in a more extreme aspect of your ultra-sensitivity, sure that this is spelling the end of the relationship. Almost certain that he no longer loves you, has tired of you, will leave you.

As an ultra-sensitive, most everything you hear, see, or feel, you will take personally. Sometimes even something which would seem to most anyone else as innocent or innocuous can be turned into a negative in the ultra-sensitive part of your mind and being, as you see it and feel it through the filters of your ultra-sensitivity. And anxiety, worry, or even panic sets in.

Until you can get a handle on this, gain some semblance of perspective, you will feel on edge, probably scared, certainly wary, in flight mode (or fight mode if you tend to the feisty).

So how do you deal with this? How do you not fall apart? How do you become a well functioning ultra-sensitive without eliminating this very special part of you? So that this part of you works FOR YOU. So that you can embrace it and learn to be as in balance with it as possible, even when it feels bad.

As with all healing, awareness is key. You know you are ultra-sensitive. And you also know that being an ultra-sensitive can be challenging, but it’s also A GREAT GIFT.

You now know your tendencies in dealing with life and your relationships as one.

So what do you do when you find yourself in a situation which has those down on yourself thoughts running rampant, your fear sensors on high alert, and you may be feeling like a damaged person, maybe an imposter, or the guilty one, and then these thoughts and feelings very quickly morph into, “My world is about to end; he/she is going to discard me, reject me, abandon me,” as you feel much of your life force drain from your face, rushing down to your toes, and out into the earth to be quickly sucked up?

How do you extricate? Or at least feel better. How do you get yourself back to knowing how SO not true any of this is? Or even if an iota is true, how to put it in its proper place, heal it?

Again awareness is key, so having gained just the least little bit of awareness, any steps you take from there WILL help you to feel better, even if only a little.

Remember I have said to always take things back to yourself? Here’s where the real work lies. If this really is something about you, then you have some healing to do. But even when it’s not you or about you which will be the case most of the time, I still want you to take things back to yourself, for if you are feeling triggered, then in a way it still is about you, and you also have some healing to do.

Whenever a situation arises leaving you feeling bad or weird or off in any way around someone or something, operate under the assumption first that this really is about you. Yet also know that just because it is YOU, this doesn’t mean it’s a negative. It probably isn’t. It is about your healing though.

Were you having a negative thought right before the trigger event? Were you not feeling well in that moment or earlier in the day which had you feeling low and thus vulnerable to having this ultra-sensitivity stuff come up? Are you having new or ongoing stresses in your life? Now is any of this being projected? Be brutally honest with yourself.

So in your relationship with your man or anyone for that matter, it’s not about what he did or didn’t do. It’s about YOU and your life and the people in it are a reflection of you being mirrored back to you. Try to look for this. Try to look at it all as a wonderful opportunity for deeper healing.

The way to change the energy, the way to feel better and heal this is to do the following. When you find yourself thinking someone must be saying bad things about you as an example, I want you to take yourself by the hand and tell yourself, “Wow, how silly of me. Even if those people are talking about me which they likely aren’t, they could just as well be commenting on how pretty I look today or how good I am at my job or how beautifully I dance or how sweet I am.”.

Hear my voice telling you, “If you’re going to make it up, you may as well make it up good.” Another wonderful benefit of making it up good is that you WILL manifest the good feeling stuff by law of attraction or by your energy which attracts that which you believe.

Keep this close to you at all times.

And when your man comes to you a few minutes or hours later acting as if nothing had transpired, no apology in sight, even if he was behaving badly, please don’t push him away. Please try keeping yourself receptive. This is likely his way of “apologizing”. This is his way of reconnecting to you. Feel the bruise if you must but accept the man with an open heart.

I think once an ultra-sensitive, always an ultra-sensitive, and this is SO not a bad thing. You can learn to observe your own patterns and catch yourself early on when you find this aspect in you being triggered in a bad feeling way. You CAN learn to talk yourself down and get yourself back to a semblance of balance even if still a bit shaky, even if you still feel wounded. When your mind goes straight to a negative, bad feeling thought, catch yourself and switch it to a positive, better feeling thought. Make up those good feeling stories. Chances are this is more in alignment with the truth anyway.

And like I said last week, the positive side to being an ultra-sensitive is such a precious present, being able to see, hear, touch, taste, and feel subtleties of pleasure sensations many cannot.

xxoo

Imagine this scenario or summon up a similar memory. Something like this this has surely happened to you.

Let’s say out of seemingly nowhere, your man lashes out at you, something which for the most part is out of character.

I don’t necessarily mean violence (I hope you are not with such a man), nor do I mean necessarily him focusing his attention on something about you and then going on and on and not letting it go though it could be.

I mean more that he comes home from work for example, and you immediately feel the off energy in him. You can feel yourself cowering inside already even though you have no reason to. He’s never given you cause.

But then he will say something to you which because you are already on internal alert, feels like a direct attack. It feels like a knife to your heart. And to complicate things, what he has said will likely contain some truth which will throw you sideways or upside down. This will cause you to question yourself in just about every way possible, bringing up all kinds of nameable and unnameable feelings along with a turmoil of jumbled thoughts.

Yet even with all of this going on within you, you still have the wherewithal to know if only a little that what was said is out of proportion to what is. Or at least you will suspect it’s so. But you still waver badly, about to emotionally fall over.

It may be difficult to stay firm in this knowledge. You are feeling totally stunned. You may feel anger welling up. Or you may feel heat rise up and course through you. Panic. Maybe you feel some shame. And almost certainly some if not all your not good enough stuff will come rushing to the surface, practically taking you over.

You also likely feel absolutely terrified, as waves of impending doom wash all over you leaving you feeling like a piece of limp seaweed washed up on an abandoned shore, cold, alone, scared. You may feel as though the end is staring you straight in the face. You may feel as if life is over, at least life as you’ve known it.

You may remain silent, struck dumb by shock. You may let loose, lashing out verbally or otherwise. You may be able to compose yourself enough to get out a feeling message in response, saying how bad hearing that feels.

It’s possible he will continue with this “attack” along the same lines of accusation until he is done. Or if you have expressed your feelings, he may counter by telling you that you making it all about you. And this will fuel his fire in another way.

The underlying message here though is that he’s telling you something which may or may not have anything to do with what he said, but regardless he wants to be heard. And whatever it is that’s bothering him really has nothing to do with you. He’s feeling the need to vent, and he doesn’t want his release circumvented. He doesn’t want all of this turned around on him making him the bad guy. He wants the space to let it out even if it’s in a not so good for you feeling way.

So what’s happened here? Basically if he’s a good man and this kind of thing almost never happens, he’s just being human. We ALL have our moments. Maybe he had a bad day. Maybe some things have been building up in him bringing up feelings of anger, frustration, depression, hopelessness, and for whatever reason, he focused on this one thing which is partially or even wholly true though not to this extent and certainly not entirely in line with what is.

And when you can get to this point, knowing or mostly so, that his outburst for all intents and purposes had nothing to do with you at all, that it was HIS STUFF coming out, and you were there, available as his sounding board or rather what feels more like a kick board, you can start to gain some perspective and make things feel better within yourself.

Please, please try to remember this. What’s really bothering him is NOT what comes out. It will take some careful thought on your part if you want to figure out what it really is, but really it doesn’t matter. You would be speculating anyway. What really matters here is you and how you are left feeling.

Depending on your man’s personality, he may brood for awhile, hours, days. But if he’s anything like K, once he releases what’s been on his mind, he’s “all better”. For him not an hour or two later, or less, he’s behaving like nothing happened, back to his mostly smiley, happy self.

So he’s back to normal. BUT you still feel really hurt, tender, sore, out of balance; your equilibrium feels really shaky.

And you still feel angry or perturbed, maybe confused. But you don’t know what to say. You don’t know if it’s a good idea to say anything at all. You don’t know what to do. You are still reeling.

The best thing you can do for YOU is to remember and hold close what I said above. He may have meant what he said on some level, but not to the degree you absorbed it, and it’s NOT what his outburst was about.

And again, he may have been saying things which contain truth, usually truths about which you feel sensitive, though not in proportion to what is. But YOU too have been reacting and feeling in a way which is totally out of proportion to what is.

So are you wrong? NO!!! You are not wrong. You are an ultra-sensitive person which can feel really difficult sometimes, times such as these for instance, for you will feel things far more acutely and deeply than most others. And it will likely take you longer to recover, get yourself back in balance. You will likely feel bruised, tentative, wary for awhile, maybe even a few days.

BUT I want you to know that though this feels awful at the time, probably very scary, maybe leaving you wondering if you can do relationships at all or that you have chosen the wrong person, you are actually a very lucky woman.

Being an ultra-sensitive is SUCH an amazing gift. For you also get the intense joy and pleasure to feel the wondrous stuff so much more profoundly. You can touch, taste, smell, feel nuances most cannot.

Yes you can sense others pain and pleasure which can feel overwhelming at times or painful, BUT you can also deeply empathize with most anyone and any situation. What an amazing thing. Having this empathy for other living creatures also leaves you mostly free of prejudice. What a fantastic facet.

You as an ultra-sensitive are a VERY SPECIAL person. You tend to be incredibly creative, artistic, and PASSIONATE. And as you mature, these gifts only deepen, become more evident, and they become so much more yummy. Especially if you can learn to get a handle on the difficult aspects as in the scenario I outlined.

So how do you do that?

If this is an isolated case or something which happens rarely, I would suggest letting it go. Your man is a flawed human creature just like you. He’s allowed to err, say something awful, be cranky, take something out on you which is bothering him.

Can you honestly say you have never done the same? Have you never snapped at him for leaving his underwear and socks on the floor or dirty dishes in the living room? Have you never been pissy around him just because or because you were feeling hormonal? And didn’t he mostly ignore your mood at those times, dismiss your temper because he can remain okay within himself when you’re feeling off, acting out of character? Can you cut him the same slack?

Yes it may take you a bit to regain your sense of balanced self, as you soothe your sensitive spirit, for this is your lot as an ultra-sensitive. AND this is SO okay. For no matter how hard it can feel sometimes, I wouldn’t trade this gift for anything in the world. I have come to LOVE my ultra-sensitivity. It’s who I am; it’s who you are, and ultra-sensitive women are fabulous, such beautifully hearted, awesome, incredible, goddessy goddesses. And I wouldn’t trade being one for anything.

xxoo

I was sent this quote by a faithful follower asking me for my thoughts around this. This quote struck me deeply and in a not so good feeling way. In fact it made all the hairs within my entire being raise up on high alert. My skin felt prickly, bristly, crawly; my belly tightened into little knots, my heart wanted to cower and close. And it made me feel very sad. What a dreary, unhappy way to view the world and life. I have to ask why anyone would want to resign themselves like this. My heart feels so heavy around these thoughts.

It just SO doesn’t have to be like this. You CAN choose another way and what I would imagine would be to most people, a better feeling one. You CAN choose to heal from your wounds and NOT have them lay there festering under a layer (or many layers) of scarring, poking at you or aching constantly or even throbbing.

It’s true that a great many of us will cover bad feeling things over, push the pain aside, maybe attempt to ignore them; some may even wallow in them, especially initially. All of this as tired and ineffective ways to protect ourselves, shield ourselves from more hurt. And over the years we can put up many, many layers of curtains, barriers, walls, fortresses, and moats in order to guard and “keep safe” our bruised hearts.

In this respect the original wounds will remain buried underneath, and they will likely continue to bother you. They are also liable to burst forth when you are triggered. When handled like this, then yes the pain will remain. You can distance yourself from these things with your walls, but they will still hurt, for they are trapped there inside your most vulnerable and beautiful part, your heart.

If this is how you choose to deal with pain, then yes you will suffer always from each and every one.

Though I could challenge this theory and ask how would you know what’s really hurting? The original injuries? Or the sheltered yet isolated, barren place you created for yourself, for this can feel just as badly?

But if you are here reading this, then this isn’t you.

And this is the part which is SO important. When you become aware of your patterns, when you realize that this way isn’t working for you, rather it’s working against you, when you get that light bulb moment which shines light brightly on the knowledge that in order to find YOURSELF, those impediments will HAVE to be eliminated, peeled away.

If you desire to have a profound and intimate connection with that special, lovely, loving  man you’ve been seeking, yearning for, then you will have to let all the old ways go. You will have to take down your walls. AND you will have to risk the pain and confusion you may feel as all that old ooze comes seeping out.

BUT then you can let it go. You can thank it for having taught you what you need to know, and I highly recommend that you do, but then let it float away.

There’s just no space for the the freely flowing river of energy love craves and thrives if it keeps running up against your barriers of “protection”. I use this term loosely, for they really aren’t keeping you all that safe. Yes it will be less likely someone or something can wound you when you are this well armed, BUT hiding behind these walls actually feels really awful. You can feel so alone, empty. No love can reach you. Not even love for yourself. Loneliness and isolation is a scary, horrible feeling feeling and not so safe after all.

And now that you know all of this either through things you’ve read or people you’ve talked to or intuitively as a knowing, you can then actively look for ways, tools, techniques as inroads to what has been your carefully concealed heart.

I suggest you read everything you can find on healing, anything which resonates with you, feels right to you, intrigues you. You’ve found me. Read my articles. Watch my youtubes. Write to me with your questions, concerns. Try  it all. See what works for you, and this may change over time, as you heal. You may also want to consider coaching or therapy for a more personalized and maybe deeper, more focused approach.

And as those layers shed, the pain within IS released. It DOES go away.

I believe so strongly that all of this is absolutely your choice. To wallow in old traumas seems destructive and so sad feeling, and it will only hurt you. No one else. Only you will suffer from holding on to your stuff.

Even if it’s a very old wound, one intricately and deeply buried and lavishly covered over with scar tissue and all those mostly impenetrable barriers erected to protect this old hurt (which is part of what is scar tissue’s job), you CAN break it up and heal. You CAN choose to heal from any wound, hurt, trauma if this is what you want.

It may take some time, and this is more than okay. More time allows you more time to integrate on a profound level, on a level that will stay with you and not have you retreating behind that semblance of safety.

We all have different experiences that will lead us towards or away from that point of decision, to let this stuff go already or to cling to it out of fear. And this may come to us all at once and quickly or slowly and in tiny increments or something in between.

I will say again that slowly tends to make the new ways stick more reliably, for too quickly may or may not find you receptive. But then again things come to you when you are ready. If you are not ready the first time around, then it will come around again when you are.

We are all unique, and we find our way in our own unique way. The path towards healing and thus love will look very different for each one of you.

So in a way time does heal wounds. IF this is what you desire. But I prefer to look at it like this. It’s not so much the time which heals. Time passes. It’s more that it’s YOUR choice, your free will, your desire, your dedication which heals your pain. You CAN choose to let it go. I’m not saying this is an easy thing or a quick thing, but it is a doable thing and SO worth spending the time to engage in.

Without a shred of doubt in my mind, I believe that your pain can and will dissipate and even disappear.

What heals you is setting out on your path which will involve soothing yourself, being kind to yourself, gentle and respectful with yourself, and learning to let go and allow love, especially love for YOU. No matter what.

Doesn’t a brand new day, a fresh new you, an alive and vibrant love sound appealing?

xxoo

How can you separate out what are your triggers being reflected by and through him, your stuff being mirrored back to you, and what is truly his and his alone?

First of all there are many levels and intensities of toxicity which can range from the mild yet hurtful back handed put downs to out and out violence and anything and everything in between.

You would want to look at what his toxicity consists of and what your tolerance level truly is around it as well as your level of patience. You would want to ask yourself if the good in him mostly outweighs the bad feelings around his toxic behavior. And will you be able to live with this even if nothing at all changes around it? In other words is any of this deal breaker material.

But the most important thing to consider here is that he is presenting an amazing opportunity for YOU to do some deeper healing of your own. I’m not at all suggesting to stay in an abusive situation, BUT if you have doubts at all about what you want to do, whether you want to stay or leave, then I’m asking you to think about seeing this through until you are sure. You can then proceed without any lingering questions.

It’s really hard if not impossible to differentiate between what’s going on with him and what his behavior is bringing up in you that really has nothing to do with him at all. What he is really doing all by himself and what he is actually reflecting back to you, your own behaviors, thoughts, and fears. He may be your trigger, but this is more often than not really YOU and your stuff showing through him.

This is why I nearly always suggest bringing things back to yourself in every situation no matter how insignificant seeming. Assume that most of the time when you’re annoyed with him, angry at him, feeling hurt by something he said or didn’t say or something he did or didn’t do, or when you’re feeling neglected, rejected that it’s YOU.

It really doesn’t take much to have you on the edge, being trigger happy to being triggered. It could just be a fleeting bad feeling thought or memory, a pain of some sort, stress, pressure, tension. And this all goes on underground with usually no awareness on your part.

I understand that what is going on on his end feels very real to you, for example he lashed out at you seemingly for no reason. You didn’t do this. So it’s him. Right?

Well not necessarily. I would ask you to first check in with yourself. And not cursorily. Really, really check in and very deeply.

Were you indeed harboring some negative thoughts, about him or something else?

Or maybe you were you carrying some tension or stress inside from whatever source which made your energy feel bristly which it will anytime you hold somewhere inside. You almost can’t help it. If you hold, you will not feel good, and it will be felt by him.

You could even be carrying around an elaborate story of your own creation. This will affect how you think and feel and how he feels you. It may be and likely is just out of the reach of your consciousness UNTIL and UNLESS you take a breath and stop first to ponder.

His behavior could very well be that he was reacting to what he was picking up in YOU. Men are FAR more sensitive than you might know. They DO feel our shifts in energy even if they don’t consciously know it. SO he could very well be mirroring back to you what you were carrying inside.

Or he could be demonstrating back to you how you are treating yourself, in a law of attraction kind of way.

And what I want you do is to look at this is as such a wonderful opportunity. Armed with this new knowledge about yourself, you can now keep digging in deeper on your stuff. This is an amazing chance to take some time to go even more profoundly inside and see what’s really up, what really needs to be addressed, what really needs healing, in YOU. I can’t stress enough how important this is.

You can’t control another person’s behavior, nor can you change how your man feels, EXCEPT and this is a maybe, through how you work on yourself.

So even more especially, when the big stuff stares you in the face and you find yourself wondering if this man is toxic or commitment phobic, the only way to heal this FOR YOU is by continuing on your healing path.

If he’s going to heal, this will likely be the only way he will be inspired to do so. And if he is unable or not ready yet, this will help you gain greater clarity. And I don’t mean only about yourself.

I also mean what’s going on with him and with the relationship, whether he really is toxic or commitment phobic and where you want to go from here. This is the only way to discover what is you need to do whatever this is. And you WILL just know.

You may have been completely correct in your original assessment of him, but in order to be really sure, you must keep working with yourself by observing, being aware of your triggers, anxieties, and fears, and take steps to heal them.

In the meantime though, to get you through the more difficult spells when you find yourself spinning maybe ceaselessly out of control, down into an abyss of bad feeling feelings, imagine that what you are observing and going through is just a blip which it really is in the grand scheme of things.

He may or may not be toxic and/or have commitment fears, but regardless, you are going to keep on going as if all is well. This is not a pretend thing. It’s not a shutting your eyes to what you think is. It is the truth. But whether he can take the leap is yet to be determined.

If you can hang in with him like this, as if all is well, this may create the last bit of safety he needs to step into healing and step up to claim you.

BUT if he still can’t after all of this, then you will be able to move on with no doubts that you did the right thing nor will you have regrets. This is what I mean about gaining greater clarity.

You will be able to see what is right for you with or without him. And you will feel good about it even if it hurts.

You may also find yourself moving into a place of mostly complete indifference to him. You may still love him, feel compassion for him, but you will feel ambivalence creeping in. This is nothing to feel alarm over. It may seem incongruous, for wouldn’t you feel yucky around a toxic person?

Not when you have healed to this extent, to a deeply profound self-love and caring of you above all. You will eventually feel indifference to a toxic man because when it comes down to it, he really can’t affect you either way, positively or negatively. So you can look at this his toxicity with compassion and know that you can’t help, and this is okay. This person will get it or not, and it’s not up to you.

You have come to realize that you love YOU more, more than any man or relationship. And you have decided what is best for YOU. And you will feel very okay if not good about your decision to move on.

No one can meet your needs but you. A man can share with you, enrich your life, take you deeper than you can alone, yet even without him you would be whole and complete onto yourself.

Of course it feels feels so amazingly good being able to have someone else there along for the ride, but it’s also fulfilling all by itself to experience life without a man.

I don’t think we are ever completely healed, and when you can heal alongside someone who gets this, the “missteps” can pass by almost unnoticed, even laughed about in a “aren’t humans funny creatures” kind of way.

xxoo

Snuggles feel good anytime, anywheres,

Kisses and hugs take away all cares.

Tender loving, passion ignites,

Melting in beautiful, dreamy nights.

Your love is special, a gift from the heart,

Warming your days from finish to start.

So on this lovely, lover’s day so fine,

Go forth. Celebrate ~ your special Valentine.

(starting with YOU…)

xxoo

Happy Heart Day Everyone!!!