Are you addicted to drama? I can just hear many of you say, “No of course not”. But maybe you aren’t even aware of your drama.
Possibly it’s an internal drama, but this would still be drama nonetheless, AND this can still be FELT by others, your man more specifically.
The feelings and the energy exuding from you may even be stronger when internalized. In other words, NO OUTLET, not that externalizing is a recommended practice either.
Does any of this sound familiar? Or something similar?
How about this. Do you think that a man doesn’t care about you unless huge overtures are made? And/or large gestures? Or maybe constant and continuous ones?
Do fireworks get your juices flowing, fire you up? As in big to dos, fanfare, maybe arguments, disagreements?
Do you stress, worry, or bubble and boil inside or maybe even let loose on him if things aren’t going your way?
Or maybe he does things, says things that bug you?
On the flip side, as lovely as it can feel, does peace and calm seem hum drum and strangely boring to you sometimes, all the time? Does his withdrawn mood indicate to you that he must not care? Or he is holding something inside himself about you? Something which is surely bad.
Or when things have been too quiet for too long or it feels too good, do you have to find something, anything to spice things up again? Maybe you unconsciously sabotage things?
Do you also hate the anxiety all of this produces, yet oddly you kinda sorta get off on it? Or when you feel this strongly, you know at least you’re alive?
Ask yourself if there are pieces of you deep inside (or maybe it’s right there on the surface) which thinks that if there isn’t some kind of strife and/or aching, working, forcing, twisting and turning going on within you and the relationship that it must not be “true love”. For isn’t love hard to come by? Isn’t having to put in a lot of effort more meaningful? Doesn’t this indicate that it’s “better”?
If all was calm and easy, then it must not be “real”, or it must not be any good for the long run. Easy would feel less than. Yes? Relationships take work. Right?
But let’s say you’ve done some reading, and you begin to question some of this, so you decide to have a go at a different approach. As best as you can, you don’t impose your will on him. You don’t jump to the bait when you feel triggered, when strife pops up. You don’t allow yourself to get sucked into his moods. You don’t let yourself freak out when he doesn’t call for days. You don’t give into the the gremlin voices which tell you you’re not good enough or he would be contacting you, complimenting you, paying attention to you, or maybe worse, GASP, he’s with another woman.
Instead you get on with your life, taking care of you the best way you know how. With gentleness and love. How does this feel? Really good? Or more like weird?
Or maybe it gives you a sense that something is missing? Or wrong in another kind of way? Maybe this produces another kind of anxiety.
Something IS missing of course. Your drama which is in an odd way a friend or at least something very familiar, and familiar is comforting. Even if it feels uncomfortable. Even if it feels bad. Even if it gets in your way.
But you continue on anyway with this new way. Just to see….And then curiously you find yourself numbing out. Wha????
Your numbness and disconnectedness come directly from having let go of your leaning forwardness, your anxiety, your drama which has been present almost relentlessly possibly your entire adult life. You are so used to having these feelings around that in a strange way they have become your comfort, buddies.
Without the drama, there is peace and calm. And maybe what you’re really feeling is just this, not numbness at all. Because you are so accustomed to turmoil as your way to connect to others (your man in particular), you are so used to the drama that when it’s not there, you don’t really know what you feel or how to feel, thus the numb or what seems like numb.
Feel around these new feelings. Really, really sink into them. If there really is some numbness, it could be some fear, fear of letting go of your old friend who you’ve relied on so much, and now you worry that you won’t be able to function without her, your old friend being the drama.YET you can still love and embrace her but not allow her to take over.
How about looking at this, thinking about this, feeling this in a completely different way. Maye this is what true love is meant to feel like, peaceful, lovely, warm, cozy. How about establishing a whole new connection, one that just might feel much cleaner, clearer, and more true, more authentic, more better, MORE LOVING.
Drama and whatever it is that has it arise, CAN be channeled more productively, felt, sunk into, and released. And something which feels much nicer can be there instead. PASSION doesn’t equate with drama.