Anger is a cryptic emotion. Many gurus and lay people alike espouse the importance of really getting in touch with the anger. It is said that anger is very important. Anger is vital for gaining access to the heart of the matter. Anger is the conduit for going deeper. You must feel the anger fully and learn to give it outlet, give it outlet in a safe way before the underlying stuff can be dealt with. Then you are in a position to release this anger.
I agree to the extent that IF there is anger present it is crucial that you find it, immerse yourself in it, and learn productive ways to relinquish its hold on you.
For brewing anger, repressed rage can and will find a way out some way or another eventually. Like anything that bubbles and boils uncontrollably and over which you place a lid, the steam beneath WILL sooner or later pry that cover loose, and it will let fly forcefully. At whom is anyone’s guess, maybe even yours.
You WILL explode, and this WILL FEEL BAD. The out of control feelings will burn you, and possibly, probably scald others in the process, perhaps badly, perhaps enough to leave a scar. This could could cause them to lash back at you from the pain of their own wounds inflicted BY YOU. Or they might alienate you for awhile, nursing the blister you created. Or they could just run away for good.
And yes I agree anger can be a conduit for going deeper. When you are working on yourself, and there comes a time you feel anger, I would hope you would have grown to the point where you have learned to recognize your anger when it arises, found ways to feel it, work with it to access what is resting beneath. And I imagine you would have integrated tools to mindfully let your anger go, releasing it slowly and with little if any harm to yourself and others so that you would avoid a scenario resembling the above.
But beneath anger is really hurt. Many people know this, but what most people haven’t thought about and I ask you to consider is that some people really and truly DO NOT have anger, at least not every time there is a hurt that could lead to it. When I was in the throes of hurt over K’s what had been up until my discovery his secret that wounded me so deeply, my angel savior kept telling me to FIND my anger.
She insisted that there must be rage inside me. I just wasn’t acknowledging it. I was in denial of it, AND I wouldn’t properly heal until and unless I unleash this fury. (Not at a someone of course but into a pillow maybe or in a kickboxing class) I probed and prodded, poked, and pushed, dug way down deep, and still I felt NO ANGER. I only felt pervasive sadness and hurt and FEAR.For below hurt lies fear. That is what ALL of this is about, the anger, the hurt. IT’S ALL ABOUT FEAR. In my case my fear was about rejection and abandonment, for this had always been my experience, being shunned, being left, being all ALONE.
Anger is simply a reaction to hurt which is a response to fear. So I’m proposing that not everyone has an anger button. In my case somewhere along the way, I learned that anger was not useful FOR ME, did not serve ME. Or maybe this was something I knew innately.
FOR ME, I can bypass anger and go straight to the pain. Maybe some people can go right to the fear. It is possible. For some, for many though the anger DOES help them. It is a very useful tool which gives them A WAY IN to the DEEPER underlying issues.
Fear is one of the roots of ALL emotions. The other is love. LOVE and FEAR. That’s ALL there is. I DID heal without ever feeling anger. And in my healing I DID find love.